This Season of Motherhood

I'll be honest, I'd like to say I love motherhood 100% of the time but that's not the truth. I’ve felt like I can’t admit to not loving motherhood all the time because some how it would make me lose credibility as a family photographer. Who is this girl who claims to love working with other people’s families but doesn’t love all the aspects of her own motherhood? The day to day "grind" wears me down. My kids are great, don't get me wrong, but motherhood can be a pretty thankless job, which is hard for someone who is a words of affirmation kind of gal. I do my best to try and enjoy the little moments and keep a positive perspective on the fact that I have two sweet kids. But I'll just say it, this stage is HARD! But even in the long and "never ending" feeling stages, I do know that at some point I will want to look back and want to remember it. I will want to remember the endless messes, the monotony of our daily lives, and the ugly. There are moments when I am able to look beyond all of this and see the greater purpose of what I am doing. These first family pictures we’ve taken in Bend mean so much to me, and really accurately document our current season.

I want to remember the stubbornness of my girl, though it will be the death of me, it feels like most days! I want to remember her endless energy, how she loves to be the center of attention, meet new people and how she wants to be a good big sister. I love how she loves so boldly. I love her green eyes that match her brothers and her silky long hair. I have moments where I think she is older than she is only because of how tall she is, and then I remember she's only 4 and I want to savor the last of the "little" in her. I want to remember the moments where she made a connection later to something we taught her at home in the real world.

Despite the grumpiness in most of these pictures of our little guy, I want to remember his smile, and how he wants to follow and keep up with his sister in everything they do. His love for messes and his skinny little legs and big expressive eyes. I want to remember how he gives hugs when asked and points at random things, his pouty face when he doesn't get his way, how he could sit and look at books for hours. I want to remember the way he signs "more" and how he babbles like we understand what he's saying. I hope all the efforts to get him a hearing aid (and replace it multiple times), and into a speech therapist and occupational therapist and other tests and specialists will have been worth it a few years down the road.

I'm grateful to be doing this life with Keawe. Not all years of our marriage have been easy or fun, but I am grateful for someone who is loyal and willing to stick it out through the hard parts. I am grateful we both have been willing to work on parts of ourselves that need improving to help strengthen our marriage. I don't give him enough credit for the hard work he does both to provide for us and to be a loving dad when he is home.

Even though motherhood is so all encompassing and requires so much day after day, just look at them. How could I ever trade it for something else? It's true what they say that you only need a few positive moments in parenting to fuel your fire to keep going. My world revolves around them ( I mean I could totally do a week vacation on an island alone somewhere unplugged) , but I also revolve around their world (and Frozen 2 let's be honest). I don't want to push that away too quickly. I'm grateful for spontaneous hugs from my daughter, a bashful smile from my baby, a thumbs up from my daughter when she agrees to do what I've asked her. Going in to get my baby from after a good night's sleep and how his face is calmed by my presence. The days sure are long but how have I been a parent for over four years now. Time is a bizarre thing in parenting, feeling like a phase will never end while simultaneously watching another part of parenthood slip through your fingers. I'm grateful they’re mine and that I have the opportunity to raise them.

I get that it can be stressful to get your own pictures done, it was windy and I didn't dress our son warm enough for these, which is why it shows in his face in some of these but memories captured on film are some of the greatest treasures we can have! They give so much to future generations and literally have the chance to freeze a moment in time. You can look back and say "remember when you used to do this" or "looked like this". SO grateful to my friend Drew who did these for us and she even let me snag a few myself. Don’t wish away a season by not documenting it, it will soon all be gone and hard to remember. Take the picture, snuggle the baby a little longer, let the dishes sit in the sink to read a book with your daughter. Those are the moments that keep everything in perspective on how important your role as a parent is.